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Old September 6th, 2009 (11:58 PM).
Citrinin's Avatar
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: New Zealand
Age: 18
Gender: Male
Nature: Relaxed
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Quote originally posted by Kanto Lover:
Josephine’s sincerity was genuine enough it threw the Shinx’s tantrum out the window.
This seemed a bit odd to me, as if to say there's some threshold other than total sincerity that the Shinx would accept. I would change it to something along the lines of "Shinx could see Josephine's sincerity, which through his tantrum out the window."

Quote originally posted by Kanto Lover:
“All right, Riley! Let’s go! Give it all you’ve got!” the fourteen-year-old girl yelled, before Sandshrew could muster up a counter-attack.
You've already established that she's fourteen years old in this chapter, so the sentence seems a bit redundant/awkward. :s

But apart from that, I enjoyed this chapter, particularly your battle description. ^^ Keep it up. :D
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