Thread: [Pokémon] Convergent Paths
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Old October 13th, 2009, 05:09 PM
Elite Overlord LeSabre™'s Avatar
Elite Overlord LeSabre™
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: 13470 East Independence Blvd.
Age: 88
Nature: Quirky
Hmmm... I thought this chapter was a bit short. Perhaps after registering, a scene with Cassandra expressing her worries with her Pokemon and seeing their reactions would have been nice. You could have had her find a bench outside of the Contest Hall, sit down, release her Pokemon out of their Pokeballs, and have her talk with them a little. It's not much more plot-wise, but it would help develop her character a bit more.

But what you do have is good. You show that the prospect of a first contest is daunting for Cassandra - so much so that even the process of registering three weeks in advance is making her nervous. She's worried that she hasn't got the time to train her Pokemon sufficiently for her debut contest. That gives a realistic side to her character. And that is one of the strengths of your story so far - believable characters with real emotions that makes the whole that much more interesting.

I will be looking forward to the next chapter
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