Thread: [Pokémon] Convergent Paths
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Old October 26th, 2009, 01:20 PM
Elite Overlord LeSabre™'s Avatar
Elite Overlord LeSabre™
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: 13470 East Independence Blvd.
Age: 88
Nature: Quirky
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Cute chapter. Yeah, not much happened, but we got a little glimpse into Cassie's (oops, Cassandra's, forgive me XD) family life.

Quote:
She only spent fifteen minutes on this,
Quote:
It was lunchtime before Cassandra called it quits.
These seem rather abrupt, as if you're in a rush to skip over these parts. While I can understand not wanting to go into agonizing detail about every bit of the training, I would have liked to seen maybe three or four sentences (a short paragraph) spent on briefly describing the training going on before skipping on to the next phase of training. It adds a bit of depth to the story, and gives readers a feel for how Cassandra conducts training and how well her Pokemon are prepared for the upcoming contest.

Still, I'm liking this so far, and Cassandra may be my "character" becuase she's from a well to do family just like my own fan fiction character. Plus so far she has the best fashion sense out of the three

Just work on expanding some of the details a little bit, and you should be just fine. You've got a great start so far, and I'm looking forward to seieng where things go from here

Elite Overlord LeSabre™
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