Thread: [Pokémon] Convergent Paths
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Old November 14th, 2009 (12:13 AM).
Elite Overlord LeSabre™'s Avatar
Elite Overlord LeSabre™ Elite Overlord LeSabre™ is offline
I AM VERY DISGUSTED WITH THE TRASHY MAN.
Gold Tier
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: 9840 Pineville-Matthews Road
Age: 89
Nature: Quirky
Posts: 9,571
Couple of things...
Quote:
Belle blinked and reached up to rub her eyes.
"Rub", not "rubbed."

Quote:
She found one almost immediately and sent Swifter out to take care of it.

It wasn’t long before Belle tossed a Poké Ball and caught the Mankey, much to its displeasure. She had to try three times before it finally succumbed
I would have liked to have seen that battle. Really, though, it feels like you're skipping the battle and leaving out details of the battle - which could have revealed how the Pokemon fight, their general attitude about it, and so on. Not to mention add some excitement.

Final issue: For being a temperamental Pokemon (by nature), Mankey warmed up to Belle pretty quickly.

With all that said, I still liked the chapter.
Quote:
“What’s going to happen to me? Is somebody gonna jump out of the bushes and scare me and make me trip and hit my head—oh, but wait! That’s already happened!”
I LOLed. I admit it, I did XD

Quote:
A few years after her father had started, a law had been passed increasing the age limit to sixteen— this was due to several ten-year-olds lying dead or severely battered by wild Pokémon.
Ah, so that's why everyone has to be 16 now. One mystery solved

Ah, the random meeting of the annoying character. I never get tired of it This Derrick fellow seems like an interesting character, even if his team leaves something to be desired (I'm notorious for my hatred of Pikachu on the forum). I'm not sure if I would want to see him joining Belle permanently, as that would kinda affect the three girls teaming up. But if he shows up (in comedic fashion) every now and then, I wouldn't mind that

So, Belle has her first Gym battle next time? I think it'll be interesting to see your style of writing battles, and I'll be looking forward to it. No pressure, though
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