The Retelling of Pokémon Colosseum
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January 12th, 2010 (7:32 AM).
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Central Coast - Australia
Whee late replies to reviews, go me.
But cheers for leaving a comment or plenty! =D
Originally Posted by
I lol'd to Kingdom Come when I read the Monty Python references.
Absolute, sheer and utter win.
Heh, glad you enjoyed that part then. =)
Originally Posted by
Elite Overlord LeSabre™
Yeah, I never thought those little platforms were safe for battling, especially for someone who uses Earthquake/Protect... Then again, Dakim can't even remember the names of his Pokemon, save for Entei, so I guess you can't expect much from him in the way of common sense. Even if his DAKIM PAWWNNCH! makes up for it XD
Yeah, Mt battle must be terrible for those people there. And Dakim isn't that smart, although Entei makes up for a lot. XD
And I love Metang's manner of speech
Better than Metang/Metagross in my fic, that's for sure, though I still try to go the "mechanical" route.
Really? I liked Metagross' way of speech...
We all learned what happens when you disturb Mt. Battle's nurse when she wants a rest... utter chaos with little regard for who's officer and who's Cipher ;P
Epic battle against Wes and Dakim, complete with color-blind Golem who rips off his own limbs to attack. Can't beat that
Glad you liked it then. =)
Originally Posted by
*snickers* I already said how I’m a Business Administration major concentrating in finanical economics, right? *gets shot for being too prideful* IfUmbreon needs help eith business analysis, I’m the gal!
I already replied to this via a chat but...I'll do so again! XD Umbreon is interested in said business analysis... first he needs to get a business though.
Aw, I like their pre-evolution forms. :<
Consider it from the Pokemon's view though - they must get tired of all the popularity Mudkip get. XD
Isn’t it supposed to be Espeon’s Reflect? Also, if I remember correctly, Umbreon hadn’t used Reflect in this story yet.
Yeah, it is Espeon's - need to reword to make it clearly it's Espeon's Reflect attack around Umbreon. >_< And oddly Umbreon can't learn Reflect at all (and Espeon only via TM, although in the actual game he starts off with the move), despite Umbreon being the defensive Pokemon.
“Place” twice in this sentence sounds repetitive. Maybe get rid of the first “place” to make the sentence sound less awkward and flow better.
Indeedy - shall do so when I edit. =)
You know, the nurse scene reminds me of Saffire Persian’s one shot “The Ties That Bind.” In it, the Chansey/Blissey (forgot which
; ) used Egg Bomb too. XD
Once you mentioned it I thought so too... heh. (Only that fic's better than mine =P). Chansey, I believe as well.
There is one thing I want to mention, though, and it's the way you did the thoughts of the characters. I know you’re trying to have the readers get into the characters’ heads, which is a good thing, but if you go to their perspective too long, it’ll sound too much like a first person POV and you’re doing a third person POV. For instance, these two:
Again, the way you did the thoughts here is a bit long winded. It may be true in real life we think like that, but considering you’re doing this story in thrid person POV, you don’t want to have the thoughts be in first person POV for a long time. One way you can overcome this if you're going to have the characters be thinking for a long time is have their thoughts both in first person POV, but in a couple of sentences here and there, and third person POV rest of the way. To show you what I mean, an example from my fic:
Basically, you got the thoughts of the characters are logical, but it's the way you presented them that bothered me. Reason I brought this up is LeSabre actually mentioned the way I did the thoughts of the characters too.
Interesting point, and as I said I'll have to look back some and consider this. The first example was actually purposeful in particular (tried for a different method in describing opposing Pokemon XD), but I believe I can see how it can be improved, for instance - shall have to just experiment around, I believe. (Anyone else, if you agree with this please say so, would be appreciated since I do tend to do this a lot in the story on purpose - so the best delievery possible is something I'd like to achieve).
Anyways cheers for the review, Bay. =D
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