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Posted October 25th, 2004 (12:57 PM).
Mr Cat Dog
It takes a lot to make a stew
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: London, UK
My first impression of this fic is that it seems incredibly rushed. Everything seems to happen a little too quickly, and that's not necessarily a good thing at all. Having seen their parents in body bags, they wouldn't have known instantly it was murder. Did they ask anyone who was there? As the parents themselves aren't going to tell them Don't be afraid to take your time to add description (which was also lacking) to make it feel more vivid.
There were also minor errors like spelling and grammar, but everyone makes those... so you shouldn't worry too much about them. What I did like was teh twins element of things. Normally it's just trainers and friends, or trainers with older/younger siblings, but twins hasn't been done before in a long time to my knowledge at least. And with them not being cliched and doing every little bit together, that's also a breakaway from the endless twins cliches. Well done
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