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Old July 4th, 2010 (05:17 PM).
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fissionessence fissionessence is offline
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
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What felt awkward to you about the ending?

Also, I wrote a response to some questions and reviews to the story at another site, so I'll repost it here in case anyone has similar questions, confusions, or complaints.

Quote:
In response to questions about the story, here is a summary of the events. If you read through and it didn't seem clear, this should have it make more sense. Not everything below is necessary to understand or enjoy the story, I think, but if you're confused, it should help.

The girl, Tirella, ran the shop with her granddad. When he died, he left it to her. Another of his grandchildren, and Tirella's cousin, Kiraf, heard about his grandfather's death and wanted the shop, but it had been given to Tirella, so he set a scheme in motion. He planned to steal the protection money from the Team Destiny drop, so that they would think Tirella missed a payment and kick her out of town. Tirella's natu, Omina, foresaw the trickery (though not who was responsible), so Tirella used her knowledge of strange items and curios to rig her bag with an explosion. That way, whoever went to steal the money would open the bag and get caught in the explosion, then the money would be left for Team Destiny.

Kiraf, as Tirella's cousin, knew of her tricks, so he hired bandits to steal the bag so that they would be the ones who risked being caught, and they would open the bag and take the force of the blast. He warned them not to open the bag until they'd left the drop spot. So, the bandits followed their orders and had stolen the bag that morning. Team Destiny saw that the money was missing, so they went to Tirella's shop to ask for it, but they didn't believe her story, and she didn't understand why her plan hadn't worked, and they kicked her out of town, thinking she was lying to them.

That evening, The Carmine Kid was riding into town. He got stopped by the bandits and he fought them off, then discovered Tirella's bag. He is not a thief nor is he especially curious about other people's stuff, so he sought to return the bag. He found Tirella's shop with the Destinies inside and asked them a couple questions, but since he apparently hates Team Destiny, it quickly escalated into a fight. Then Kiraf, not yet recognizing The Carmine Kid, nor that his plan had been interrupted, showed up to bring his plan to fruition. He offered Team Destiny the protection money (out of his own pocket) plus a bonus, for them to let him take over. Preferring the money and the promise of a continuous payout instead of a one-time ransacking of the store, they agreed. They obviously didn't realize that Kiraf had hired bandits to steal the money Tirella was giving to Team Destiny. If they had, they would have been mad at him for meddling in their business affairs.

Meanwhile, the girl had been kicked out of town and had found her bag: some bandits were leaving town with it! She and Omina were invisible (thanks to the natu), and she watched as the boy rode into town and recovered it. From there, she followed in invisibility, watching to see what he would do, then tried to stop him when he was going to open it. Obviously the invisibility had failed for a few moments outside of town, when The Carmine Kid thought he saw eyes in some distant bushes.

From there, The Carmine Kid takes out Kiraf, Tirella is going to tell Team Destiny about what Kiraf did, which will put him on their 'black list' of people who meddle in Team Destiny business, and apparently the boy intends to take out Team Destiny, but is dissuaded by Tirella for reasons she lists in the story.

QUESTIONS:

What's the point of the story?

The Carmine Kid obviously has some kind of mission, but it isn't explicitly stated. Certain details refer to him hating Team Destiny, though, so it could be related to that. He seemed upset that he couldn't, because of Tirella's request, take out all of Team Destiny in that town. My favorite TV show is Kung Fu. In that show, Kwai Chang Kaine is a half-Chinese Shaolin priest who travels around the wild west, with little agenda of his own, just on a personal journey, and ends up helping people he meets. I imagine stories of The Carmine Kid following a similar trend, though he may also have some mission that involves Team Destiny.

How could the girl run the shop?

Although I did make the setting kind of dark and semi-realistic, as opposed to other fictions, the anime, etc., it's still Pokémon, where kids do a lot of stuff that doesn't seem to make sense. In this world, The Carmine Kid, as a thirteen-year-old traveler, is more the exception than the rule, but I still think there's room for a little girl to run a shop (which would fly just fine in the anime, for example). Also, between Team Destiny's protection (as long as she pays!), and her natu Omina, she should be just fine.

How can the red-haired boy do all this crazy stuff?

He did several things that defied reason or explanation . . . such as one-on-one taking out an Ekans, loosening the ropes with his bound hands through brute force, surviving a blast that Kiraf had believed appeared lethal, and fighting men years and years older than himself. And what's the story of his red hair . . . and Carmine City? Is this all somehow related? And no, the pokéball isn't for Aarod or Magaera . . . so what's in it? I guess these things will remain mysteries for now I don't know if I'll write more episodes, but if I do, I'll need space to reveal more about his past; but most likely that'll take place over the long haul, whereas individual episodes will tell stories like 'A Curio, a City.'

~ fissionessence