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July 20th, 2010, 10:33 AM
Your aquatic overlord
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Harassing Bill
Quickie response (in part to start training myself for quickie reviews -- sorry for using you as a guinea pig).
One of the things that struck me the most was how dominating the song was. While songfics are okay in my book, it feels like the story was too short to be one. You'd spend a few lines talking about what the Doctor was doing, and then, you'd break into another four lines of lyrics. When doing songfics, you'll want to aim for more story than song so it feels more like your work, rather than the work of the recording artist.
As for the fic itself, while I have to admit I haven't watched too much of Eleven, I feel like he might not be the kind of person to angst, stalk his past companions, and get completely wasted in the TARDIS. That seems like more of a Ten thing to do, but that might just be me.
Also, yeah, you'll want to read over your work before posting. I'm not sure if you had a time limit on another site or what, but because you don't when posting to PC (for the most part), you have the freedom to go back over your work and iron out all the spotty details in terms of grammar. Spotty like the word "goign."
Beyond that, not too bad. It was enjoyable for an angst fic, and it was incredibly entertaining to watch Eleven struggle with loss. That last scene really wrapped it up nicely, if only because -- come on, he karate-chopped a guard and proceeded to pick up a new companion. It's definitely a
thing to go from angst on any level to badass in about three seconds, and I can't think of a better ending than that.
Professional ninja. May or may not actually be back. Here for the snark and banter at most.
Need some light reading?
Anima Ex Machina
(Chapter 20 now available)
The Leaf Green Incident
(SWC 2012 winner)
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