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Old November 14th, 2010, 02:57 AM
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Impo
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Earth
Gender: Male
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bobandbill View Post
Some focus on the prophecy here would be something to consider as well - where did it come from, and any reason for it to have 'spoken' about these characters in particular? And how does this 14 year old know of the Moritoki clan?

I would also think that if you were to write this (it seems like it has potential) you'd also have to look into ninjitsu fairly extensively for the accuracy (e.g. training techniques, attacks/style the art tends to involve/use... I would also think a suspension of belief may be needed for the bit concerning the key to supernatural abilities - that may need to be particular well-established too - make sure it doesn't seem like a wishy-washy reason for the Moritoki clan to be the 'evil team' or whatnot.

It has potential? Wow, thank you .
but I have been pondering over the ideas, and have made some slight changes to the plot, probably resulting in a sequel or two.

The moritoki clan is replaced by just one person, but he pretends to be the protagonists friend and manipulates him into training and finding the supernatural powers (using the prophecy to do so). The reason so he can stop the another evil person wanting to take the powers. but through out his training the protagonist slowly turns evil, and plots to take the powers himself, outsmarting the evil other two. i cant explain it well, but in the story i will.

In the next one it shows how the two other people team up against the 'protangist' and try to steal the powers back. But the protagonist can't control his powers well at the beginning, and the two evil people can now shapeshift into animals, thanks to them kidnapping scientists and making them create a machine that allows their DNA molecules to form those of animals.

i can't explain it well.
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