The Plot Bunny Thread
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November 24th, 2010, 04:20 AM
The Carefree Pokémon
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Central Coast - Australia
Originally Posted by
Thanks so much.
I have started writing the first chapter, and Jason (the mian character, I am making Vox a mysterious Riley/Lance kinda character) has saved Lucas and the professor from the Starly. Anyway I have decided to use Lucas becuase he only appears as a cameo once in the anime, which is in the opening of Giratina and the Sky Warrior, where he is battling Brendan, and is shown to have a Magmortar.
I am playing with this by giving Lucas a Magby to begin with, then we may see it evolve.
Fair enough - makes sense to give him a Magby (I do not know the anime that much though so I would not know about what Pokemon he may have had in the anime...gam-wise he'd have a starter and a couple of others as well so if you need more you can always look into that).
And I really like the idea of Jason already having the Luxio, it just makes the story start off a little faster, and also I couldn't be bothered to write how they first met and everything, though I may do this at a later time.
Anyway, here is what I have of the first chapter so far, I'll put it in spoilers so I don't annoy anyone!
Yeah, it's an acceptable thing to do as long as you handle it correctly. There's no need to explain how he first got it either unless you want to use it as backstory or the such.
001: Just My Luck-xio!
“Lucas! Hurry up ma’ boy!” Professor Rowan yelled out to his assistant, who was running along behind holding all sorts of charts and graphs in his arms. Every step he took he seemed to drop one of the large scrolls onto the ground, where he would stop, pick it up and continue running after the slowly walking professor.
“Ah, yes uh, I’m coming sir!” Lucas yelled back nervously. The two were travelling west across Route 201 from Sandgem town, heading towards Lake Verity.
It was still early morning, around ten o’clock, and the orange light of the rising sun reflected off of the morning dew, slowly dripping from the trees. The wispy clouds were bright pink, and the puddles of water along the trodden track reflected this pink colour.
Rowan and Lucas had been walking for little over an hour, and they expected to reach Lake Verity any minute now. The professor was very interested in Lake Verity, due to the rumour of the legendary Pokemon Mespirit taking refuge here, a rumour the professor believed to be true.
As planned, they arrived not a minute later, looking over a glistening blue lake, completely still but for the leaves dancing across the waters’ surface in the wind.
“Alright Lucas, we can set up here,”
he professor calmly ordered, still looking out at the lake. Lucas placed the sheets of paper on the ground, and spread them out across the grass, shining with the morning dew. He placed a rock on each corner of the sheets so to keep them from blowing off in the breeze.
“Do you really think we could see one
Professor?” Lucas asked excitedly.
“I am certain about nothing,” he replied, dampening Lucas’s sprit. “But I am certain that they do very much exist.” Lucas smiled, and stood up, too looking out at the mysteriously beautiful lake. “Magnificent, isn’t it!” Rowan spoke calmly. “All of Sinnoh, all of the world is beautiful, but what no one seems to ask, is how was it created.” Rowan now turned to Lucas and smiled.
“And, and you think that they had something to do with the world’s creation?” Lucas conveyed.
“A possibility we are here to research,” Rowan said, walking over to the maps spread over on the ground, viewing the charts. “Today Lucas, is the summer solstice,” Rowan started. “Do you know what that means?”
“Ah,” Lucas thought. “Yes sir! It is the day that the moon is closest to the Earth!” Lucas beamed excitedly.
“Correct, but not my correct answer. Today is also the day that the dimensions of the universe are closest together. And the walls of reality are at its weakest.” Lucas was shocked at the Professors theory, though he surprised Lucas regularly.
“Where Professor, did you learn that?” Lucas asked inquisitively. Rowan smiled and looked at him.
“You are not my first assistant Lucas, but you are my favourite,” Rowan smiled, before looking out at Lake Verity again. He admired the beauty, the calm, and the silence, which was soon broken as loud squawking sounds came from the sky above.
Rowan and Lucas looked above to see a flock of wild Starly diving beak first.
“Professor, look out!” Lucas called as he jumped into Rowan, pushing them both out of the way of the Starly’s attack.
“Starly attacking humans!” Rowan yelled distressed. “This is unheard of!” While Rowan hid behind Lucas, Lucas took a Pokeball from his belt and pressed the button enlarging it.
“Mag! Go!” Lucas threw the Pokeball, which span out at the Starly, hit the ground, opened and bounced back into Lucas’s hand. Where the ball had opened, there was a red light, which morphed into a Magby.
he baby Pokemon cried out.
“Alright Mag, use Ember!” Lucas yelled out to his Pokemon.
“Mag Mag!” Magby opened its’ mouth to reveal a small flickering flame, which then exploded out of
snout into the flock of Starly. Most of the bird Pokemon were burnt, and fled, but at least ten still remained. They charged at Magby, who began to panic.
“Magby! Smoke Screen now!” Lucas called out. Magby closed it’s eyes, and then a black plume of smoke erupted from its’ snout, covering Lucas, Rowan and itself. One of the charging Starly stopped and used its’ wings to blow the smoke away into the air, while the rest continued to charge.
‘Magby!” Magby cried in fear, as it closed its’ eyes waiting for the flock of wild Starly to attack. But before they could, a four-legged Pokemon jumped into the battlefield, and from its claws a zap of lightning shot out into the flock of Starly, which were electrocuted into fainting.
“What! What happened?” Lucas said, covering his eyes to protect them from the brightness of the lightning. He turned to see a tall, slim boy with messy brown hair, blue jacket, black shirt and knee length black trousers step out of the tree line.
Luxio!” The trainer called out to his Pokemon, beaming. One Starly managed to stand up straight again, and proceeded to squawk loudly at the trainer’s Luxio. “We’re not finished yet
Luxio. Now! Use Spark!” The trainer threw his arm out in front of him, pointing his index finger at the Starly. His Luxio started to run forward towards the Starly, its claws beginning to create large sparks. As the Starly dived towards the electric Pokemon, the Luxio jumped upwards and expelled a vast amount of electricity from its’ entire body, creating a bright light which Lucas and Rowan had to look away from to shield their eyes.
The Starly’s eyes began to spin in its’ head, then it collapsed to the ground.
“Yeah! Great work
Luxio!” The trainer called out to
Pokemon, which ran back up to its’ trainer and pounced up into his arms smiling.
boy!” Rowan said to the trainer, a little surprised.
“No worries!” The trainer replied. “You were really lucky I was nearby otherwise you guys or your Magby could have been really badly hurt!”
“Mag, Magby,” Magby said from afar, lying on the ground.
“Magby, return!” Lucas said, pointing his Pokeball at the injured Pokemon, which turned into a red energy like light, and flew back into the Pokeball. “I’m Lucas, and this is Professor Rowan. We are scientists from Sandgem Town who have come to study Lake Verity.”
“Yeah, I know who you are. I’m Jason! I’m from Sandgem Town too!” The trainer said beaming. “And this is Luxio, he’s been my pal since I can remember.”
he Luxio cried happily.
“Are you taking the Gym Challenge, son?” Rowan asked, scratching his white beard.
“No, I’m not,” Jason said looking at his feet. “Me
Luxio are just good pals, nothing else to it.”
“Really!” Rowan said, smiling in thought. “Well then Jason, I have a job you may be interested in, meet me in my laboratory this afternoon.”
“Sure thing!” Jason said, smiling. With that Rowan and Lucas, carrying the scrolls of paper, left Lake Verity and travelled back to Sandgem Town.
I am definately going to go back and fix it up a little, as it is kinda, well, weird. I also want to fix up a bit of the battle scene with some more details. What do you think??
Also the grammar is a little off, so I will go back and tidy that up too!
Well I bolded/underlined stuff that needs changing after a brief glance (e.g. it's to its in cases, or 'The' after dialogue should be 'the' as it flows on from the dialogue, hence it ought to be treated as a whole sentence with the dialogue rather than separate sentences), or adding in (e.g. commas before names). Overall it seems like a decent start, and editing would help it further too, IMO.
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