Thread: [Pokémon] Notice: Keep Out
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Old December 2nd, 2010, 05:55 AM
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bobandbill
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Originally Posted by Bay Alexison View Post
*tries to find that button* D:
Nooooo you'll die! D=
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Got off easily smelling like cheese.
I suppose his fate would be worse if he didn't like cheese to begin with? XD
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Assuming this takes place in Sinnoh (the mention of the Old Chateau and all), Sudowoodo are actually common at a couple routes at Pearl and Platinum. With Diamond, you pretty much have to trade. Just saying~ Although, if it’s indeed raining, yeah you wouldn’t be able to find that Pokemon. XD
As mentioned the Old Chateau was just an off-hand mention, as this place isn't necessarily set in Sinnoh (but where it is set is actually up in the air - I never decided. =p). I added in a small mention of Lavender Town's Pokemon Tower to remove the 'is-this-in-sinnoh' factor though (hopefully anyways XD).
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I have to say, you did quite well putting the feminist narration in this piece. XD I really like the lightheartedness of it.
That's certainly reassuring - it was a rather experimental piece and i haven't read any feminist writings as such, so I went mostly on feel here, heh.
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There were a couple parts though I felt it rambled a bit and force out. For instance:
*example*
I think this part you could have made the joke across with less words, IMO.
Point taken - it does seem I went on a bit too much, cheers for pointing that out. *edits a bit*
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I also think the ending you stressed a little too much how the female trainer is sweet and the man that killed her is a jerk, hence why all males are jerks. Then again, feminist writing then to keep repeating itself. :x

Overall, I enjoyed this piece and some parts were quite funny. Great work!
Yeah, I also went a bit too much on that too, but I'll have to take your word on the repetitiveness of feminist writing. ;p And I guess I still like trying to add in a bit of humour here and there. =p But cheers for the review again - quite helpful. =)
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