Thread: [Pokémon] Notice: Keep Out
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Old December 2nd, 2010 (5:55 AM).
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bobandbill bobandbill is offline
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Originally Posted by Bay Alexison View Post
*tries to find that button* D:
Nooooo you'll die! D=
Got off easily smelling like cheese.
I suppose his fate would be worse if he didn't like cheese to begin with? XD
Assuming this takes place in Sinnoh (the mention of the Old Chateau and all), Sudowoodo are actually common at a couple routes at Pearl and Platinum. With Diamond, you pretty much have to trade. Just saying~ Although, if it’s indeed raining, yeah you wouldn’t be able to find that Pokemon. XD
As mentioned the Old Chateau was just an off-hand mention, as this place isn't necessarily set in Sinnoh (but where it is set is actually up in the air - I never decided. =p). I added in a small mention of Lavender Town's Pokemon Tower to remove the 'is-this-in-sinnoh' factor though (hopefully anyways XD).
I have to say, you did quite well putting the feminist narration in this piece. XD I really like the lightheartedness of it.
That's certainly reassuring - it was a rather experimental piece and i haven't read any feminist writings as such, so I went mostly on feel here, heh.
There were a couple parts though I felt it rambled a bit and force out. For instance:
I think this part you could have made the joke across with less words, IMO.
Point taken - it does seem I went on a bit too much, cheers for pointing that out. *edits a bit*
I also think the ending you stressed a little too much how the female trainer is sweet and the man that killed her is a jerk, hence why all males are jerks. Then again, feminist writing then to keep repeating itself. :x

Overall, I enjoyed this piece and some parts were quite funny. Great work!
Yeah, I also went a bit too much on that too, but I'll have to take your word on the repetitiveness of feminist writing. ;p And I guess I still like trying to add in a bit of humour here and there. =p But cheers for the review again - quite helpful. =)
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