Thank you for your review. I accept that it's probably not strictly accurate to call this a parody; that's my mistake. It was intended to be more of one, but, well, I always manage to destroy my plans before they come to fruition. Having said that, it does sort of parody the Hoenn story itself: being accosted by a Devon researcher (wearing green) and taken to see the President, then delivering the mysterious 'Devon goods' to Slateport.
As for the cliché of the machine sparking and breaking down, I'm very much aware that it's a cliché, and have used it intentionally. I do in fact know that this doesn't happen in real life, and originally wrote it without the sparks. However, it just... didn't feel right. I can appreciate it might be slightly off-putting, though, depending on how pedantic you are.
The whole first-person/third person thing is just what comes naturally to me. I've always done it, and never really thought of it as a bad thing. It's something that won't change, I'm afraid. It doesn't detract from the story in my view, and doesn't seem to have stopped you enjoying it; thus, I venture to suggest that, in this case, the rules were made to be broken.
Team Aqua and Team Magma are groups of eco-terrorists, in-game - but from the point of view of the story, it makes much more sense for them to be warring criminal syndicates. Perhaps they started as eco-warriors and slowly evolved into something more resembling the Mafia. I appreciate that this isn't fully explained, and I'll see what I can do about clarifying their status the next time an opportunity to do so arises.
How well read am I? Somewhere in between 'quite a bit' and 'very', I should imagine. I've referenced Romeo and Juliet, Macbeth, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, The Fall of the House of Usher, The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, 'Dulce et Decorum Est', Doyle's Sherlock Holmes novels and Robert Rankin's work as a whole - and some others that I don't remember. Plus numerous TV shows and movies, and a manga or two as well. Oh, and Puck's name is also a joke based on an old English legend.
As for Puck talking about Home Alone - I'm afraid I don't quite get how that's going too far. I'm pretty certain Puck's seen it, since he's basically a reservoir of popular-culture-based jokes in the same sort of way that I am. (read: Puck is a shameless self-insert.)
Finally, thanks for your comment on my comedic prose. I've actually never written any before, so I wasn't certain how it would turn out. Thanks again for the review, and I'll bear your comments in mind for future chapters.
Oh yeah, and I removed that comma. It was a fly in amber, preserved from a time when the sentence went differently.