Professor Layton VS Ace Attorney: The Twin Siren
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February 22nd, 2011 (7:13 PM).
To add on to what bobandbill said, you don't have a schedule when it comes to updating your fanfiction. You can take all the time that you need to write, rewrite, and edit the story into the best that you can make it. Sometimes, you won't be able to figure out quite how to make it work, but so long as you're close to satisfied with it, then you can post it and get reviews to help you out.
The Layton characters seem to be pretty spot-on to me. Again, I don't think that they would all simply fall asleep at the end of the chapter. For one thing, Layton and Luke would make sure that Flora is all right, and they would take the time to talk about what happened and try to figure it out.
"Flora!" Professor Layton tried to remain calm, but it was obvious he was beginning to stress.
This is where you can easily show instead of tell. You say that it's obvious that Layton is stressed out by what's happening, but how is it obvious?
It's like how you showed that Luke was desperate to save Flora. He pounded on the door, yelling. It's clear what he's feeling then.
Also take some time to describe other things, like the surroundings. Like the odd picture. How is it odd? And the motel itself. A good thing you can do is describe the motel, so that the readers can see that it's creepy, and they'd feel the same feelings as the characters.
It's still a good fic. Taking the time to edit it and going over it with a beta reader will help clean up the few mistakes here and there to make it even better.
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