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April 24th, 2011 (9:44 PM).
Rockhampton City Gym Leader
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Meteor Cave
A nice mood created, and the sentences and paragraphing flow nicely. Nice uses of punctuation.
SUBJECT MATTER (C)
The mood was well created, but the subject matter (drugs, teenage themes, etc.) does not suit the medium (i.e. Pokemon). Let me make this absolutely clear: I am not flaming you for this, but maybe you have chosen the wrong medium to express your theme. This would work better in an original writing piece, or even in a canon that already holds the subject matter that you have included in this piece.
Fanfiction should be used to create pieces that have a connection (even a vague one) to the original canon that you are following. Pokemon would never ever use this kind of mood to communicate a theme, but nice experimentation with an original idea.
A great effort, but perhaps the wrong medium.
I like mapping :D
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