The Pokemon Academy
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June 18th, 2011 (07:29 AM).
Mega Ampharos is the one.
Join Date: May 2010
Nice battle chapter. Your words provided the images inside my head, which is its primary purpose. The best part was when you described the Rock Tomb/ Light Screen scene. Never thought Light Screen as a breakable glass, but good job with the chapters, though. Continue the story, because I'm liking it. You already got a fan in me.
Now some of the minor mistakes:
through the air while releasing her Cincinno into the battlefield
In this sentence, I think twirling attributed to Juniper. I believe she is not the one twirling through the air right, rather her hands. So, it might be better to change that to
twirling her hands
giggled into it's scarf-like fur.
Its/It's mistake. It's means "it is" while its means the possessive pronoun. So its is the right one.
Cincinno produced a
glass yellow square
in between itself and the Thunder Wave, the attacks contact and the Thunder Wave limply fell to the ground.
Heirarchy of Adjectives. When using multiple adjectives to describe a single noun, color comes first before noun-adjectives. Then that should be a
yellow, glass square
. And the next part is a run-on. You might want to split the two parts to two distinct sentences.
cheered for her, while Professor Charon quietly returned his Rotom to his Pokeball and headed back towards the castle.
Typographical error, I hope. Class, not glass.
, did anyone's Pokemon faint?"
Capitalization error. Now, not "now."
"So you lost
a girl, huh?" Ryukaa teased.
Typographical error again. To, not yo.
Minor errors as always. Minor errors might not be noticeable to many, but correcting them would not do you bad right?
Looking forward for the next chapter. And I hope, Charon continues sulking. I really don't like him.
I am a Roleplayer
...and I am
Lanistae Jacet [Lies of a Trainer]
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