Pokémon - Legends of Kanto
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July 5th, 2011 (12:59 PM).
Join Date: Jul 2011
The second chapter was really good too! Though there were some minor typo's if you don't mind my fixing them and pointing out some changes you can make yourself?
Much to Red’s surprise, Charmander jolted to his house. The reptilian Pokemon was pretty fast for being a starter Pokemon, its trainer could barely keep up. Charmander stopped and gave Red an ever so innocent smile as he approached the front door. He replied with a laugh for his Pokemon’s antics as he opened the door to his front house. His mother gleamed when he entered the house with a Pokemon, immediately rising from her comfy chair. She put down the book she was reading as well as her reading glasses. She then approached her son with backpack in hand.
Charmander is technically owned by Red, so "its trainer" should be possessive, I.E. It's. You probably knew that, but since the post was so long you missed it. I make that error all the time! You can also combine " He replied with a laugh for his Pokemon’s antics as he opened the door to his front house. His mother gleamed when he entered the house with a Pokemon, immediately rising from her comfy chair." and make it more compact. Remember, periods make longer pauses than commas or semi-colons.
This is really interesting! Thanks for noting my prior post! =]
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