Pokémon - Legends of Kanto
View Single Post
July 7th, 2011 (6:47 AM). Edited July 7th, 2011 by Etoire.
But here is just a teaser for you- I've written up to chapter 6, and about to start writing the 7th one. Hope that makes the wait for the next one funner, lol
Haha, thanks! I found it interesting how Green didn't really feel guilt from Red's questioning, perhaps you can include some of that in future chapters? Such as some introspection on what she'd done, almost ruining Barclay's chance, etc. Then Barclay finding out but forgiving her, sort of thing in another, say, twenty or so chapters. hahaha =P Just a little suggestion.
Actually, Lash was correct there. "Its" is the possessive form of the word. "It's" is the contraction for "it is." Just pointing that out to help you and him.
Whoa, guess I was wrong there. My bad >.< Hooray for the new update, in anycase. In a bit of a rush at the moment, I'll look over any grammar errors and (try) to fix them later in an edit.
Red walked through the shade of the trees in the direction that led back to the main path,
unable to proceed in the forest since he had no pokemon after his loss
. As he stared down into
Charmander’s weakly opened eyes, he found himself
in thought about his crushing defeat at the hands of Blue and
His sorrow and rage was obvious, as his face showed an expression that did nothing to hide his feelings.
I changed some things/ added words to make this flow smoother. It's in bold, you can add it if you feel that it sounds better! =D
The Silph Co. Chronicles
Character: Raymond Li
Pokemon: Sulli the Absol
Etoire the Gyarados
Jin the Scizor
Sol the Electivire
Aggron the Aggron
Joined Jul 2011
View Public Profile
Send a private message to Etoire
Find all posts by Etoire
Find threads started by Etoire
Ignore Posts by Etoire