[SWC] The Beastman
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July 28th, 2011 (10:19 AM).
It's "I Come Anon"
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Northern Virginia
Before I say anything else, I want to say that you seriously deserve some kind of prize for writing such an astoundingly long story in such a short amount of time. I've only completed one chaptered fic before; it took me almost a solid year and it was shorter than this. You pretty much nailed the big three: quality, length, and time, which is damn near impossible. Kudos much!
As for the story itself, I'm a real sucker for pre-understanding-of-pokemon kind of stories, and your depiction of them absolutely didn't disappoint. You did a great job of making the initial hunt suspenseful; the danger involved was nice and palpable, and the "animals" in the forest were well defined despite the handicap that you can't use a Pokemon name to describe them. A lot of Pokemon writers use the fact that everyone knows about the Pokemon as a crutch, and you do more than fine without that crutch. My only real critique as far as the depiction of the Pokemon was that I felt that Fernine's evolution was kind of glossed over. I feel terrible for saying that any part of this story should have been
, but after experiencing so much exquisite detail in the original hunt I guess I was expecting something a little more fleshed out.
I think my favorite element of the story might have been Sirinian's characterization. He was generally a pretty good person, but he had some definite flaws as well and chose to do some pretty bad things (when he decided to claim the young, dead wolf as his own, I was saying to myself "He'd better not get away with this"). On the whole, you did a good job of making him flawed but also sympathetic, so the reader still likes him. His arrogance could get on my nerves, but I could understand his isolation, and I was glad to see later that he knows how to be humble as well.
Only one mistake really stuck out to me, and that was how first Sirinian had been told about the gods from his mother, and later it turns out that the Virid children don't know their parents. A lot of good details can come to you as you write, but it's important to make sure they're all consistent. Just out of curiosity, which is correct? Or was the woman who told him about the mountain god a thousand times the woman he
might be his mother?
One more thing is that I wasn't big on the ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZs used when Celebi is approaching. At first I thought Sirinian had just fallen asleep, and it took me a few lines to figure it out.
In a nutshell, this is an epic, fascinating one-shot, and I enjoyed it very much. Congratulations on getting third place! And congratulations again on making this whole thing hold together despite the immense length and the time restriction. In that sense, you've dwarfed the competition. ;D
My chapter fics:
Kanto: The Disputed Frontier
- 14 chapters, indefinite hiatus.
Gary Stu's Unpredictable Adventure
- 8 chapters, completed.
- 7 chapters, ongoing
There's Always Tomorrow
A Matter of Stubbornness
Left by the Roadside
(SWC 2011 1st place),
Giovanni Destroys the World and Everything in It
By What Right?
(SWC 2013 1st place),
Back in the Day
(SWC 2014 1st place)
Family (kind of?):
Strange person who calls me strange names
If the pen is mightier than the sword, the keyboard is mightier than the ICBM.
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