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Old October 23rd, 2011 (04:00 AM).
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bobandbill bobandbill is offline
I'M AN ANGRY SCIENTIST!!
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Lastly would anyone here be willing to beta read the first 4 chapters for me and let me know what they think so far and what I should add, and take away?
Well Astinus alrady offered but I'll just point out that we also have a Beta Reader thread sticky in this section for future reference.

As for some other things (for the stuff already answered I don't feel really needs any more) ...
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3. In my 4th chapter it shows Lucas and Yuki battle Roark is that a thing you should avoid? Like two gym battles with the same gym leader or would the reader still keep interested if the battles are different? Like with Roark you know he is just going to attack attack but if the two challengers approach it differently does that make it readable?
No, it isn't, as long as you keep the two battles interesting in thir own way. It really depends on how you write it, really, but it's not something that's a given to be good or bad, let's put it this way. Certainly has potential to show off how the challengers are going on their journey, how they battle, and so forth, imo.
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4. The villainous team. I know you guys hate that the OC always seems to go after the team for no reason, well my OC has a reason to go after them in the first chapter an incident occurs kind of immediately pitting him against them and in future chapters Team Galactic plays a larger role as do legendaries. Now the question I am posing is this, if the OC somehow stumbles onto this huge evil plot and is thrust into a struggle involving legendaries is this inherently bad or is it the fact people make too obvious? My story by no means will end cookiecutter but so far the start feels a bit cookiecutter to me will people even give it a chance if it starts like this?
TBH, one can argue that an OT fic doesn't need a villainous team at all. But anyways... it's not inherently bad; you just have to be careful with how you handle it. Be careful that your character doesn't become a Mary Sue/Gary Stu (in that everything goes right for them, the story revolves around them and everything works out with legendaries on top or whatnot). But it's not something that's instantly bad, no - but it's hard to say if it will work out or not given all we have to go on is a description, really. That's up to your story and writing.
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