can you feel my heart?
Every time I talk to you I feel insignificant. Not because you're particularly arrogant or ignorant or rude or anything like that... I just can't believe I'm worth anything to you at all. I can't believe I'm worth anything to anyone, actually. I feel like all of my efforts are just futile and that whatever I try to do it's just not worth it. I know I said otherwise, but I just can't deal with it no matter how hard I really try to. I still greatly enjoy being around and hanging out and I dunno just spending time but especially when I see you talk to other people I have this sudden sense of worthlessness. Really, why am I still hanging around? Am I just waiting for another shot? Seems like it, to me. Will that ever come? You probably know that answer better than I do, but I think I'm going to wait around and see anyway.
But at the same time I feel like the best solution is to just get away from it all. Everyday I feel more and more like I'm not welcome. It's not like anyone I know is really pushing me away from anything but I just... can't deal with it as reliably as I used to. To be completely honest I miss those long nights of stupidity and emotions and everything that you could think of to happen in a night, and I miss the old days when we did nothing but had a hell of a time doing it. I'm really only comfortable around one person as of late and while he's a classy cat I just...
It's hard to really find words that you want to say and use them right. I feel like for once I should finally "run away" like I've been "threatening" to do for so long. I feel as though I don't belong anymore, honestly. Maybe I'm just being stupid but it's what I think. Maybe you can change my mind but I doubt it. Maybe I just need to step away and take a breath of fresh air and clear my head... but I've tried that before and it didn't work (you know this already!).
Whatever the solution is, I think it's only a few steps out the door away.