Thread: [Pokémon] Unwanted Dream
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Old December 1st, 2011 (09:29 PM).
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drunk ¬_¬ drunk ¬_¬ is offline
Inebriated Baby
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: The Drunken Clam
Gender: Male
Nature: Naughty
Posts: 552
I started reading this a while back when you first posted it, and I have to say that I love your idea, and I think it's a great story!

Granted, the subject matter is a bit out there, but there is fair warning, and the way you introduce Pokémon-based drugs is really cool.

However…
Quote originally posted by Wolfwhispers:
(XoX)


“We need to know what else you can do,” Shaun said, the everpresent drawl still there.

Riolu, tired and huffing slightly, turned with a glare. Itwas clutching its hand to its chest where a bruise was showing through the bluefur right after a particularly hard hit from yet another Geodude. Despite itsapparent skill with the fighting move and superb strength, over exposure to thesame move for the young starter was proving to be somewhat damaging. Riolu wasstill low level, and would need much practice, but in the beginning, too muchpractice would prove to be unbeneficial and even harmful.

“Ri,” Riolu agreed sourly. Yea, that would be nice, if hisstupid human could remember what moves he had or even had a cells worth ofintelligence.

“Do that fast thing again,” Shaun said. “The one where youbattled that Baltoy.”

Exasperated, Riolu took a deep breath and searched a bit. Itsaw yet another Phanpy and shrugged its shoulder’s a bit. Oh well, moreexperience.

With yet another deep breath, Riolu’s body tensed, and beforeShaun knew it, his pokemon had become a blur of blue and black that shotforward like a bullet. Barely able to even see Riolu’s true shape, he watchedthe blurred form of his pokemon jump from rock to rock in almost no time andslam straight into a very surprised Phanpy.

“Phaaa!” the ground type yelled, body jerking away from theplant it had been eating and go sliding. Its eyes had closed and a few tearsescaped, but it did nothing else. With a coughed huff, the Phanpy stayed down.

“One hit… Good.” All those battles had paid off. He almostwished one of those other trainers that had mocked him were here so he couldbeat their face into the ground. Almost.

“Rioo,” Riolu said proudly, walking over to Shaun andsitting down gingerly, clearly spent.

He would need to go back into his pokeball for a rest orjust relax if his trainer wanted him in fit position. There was still so muchto this route, and they only had a single potion. Riolu wondered if his trainerwould force him to fight every pokemon they had encountered. They had done thatso far, save for the pokemon too far on the other cliffs, and Riolu wondered ifhis trainer truly knew what he was doing. Too much battling, with no one toswitch out with… they wouldn’t make it. His trainer was resolute to pulverizeeverything, determined in wanting Riolu to become stronger.
DON'T GIVE UP ON THE SPACEBAR… PLEASE!
As you can see above, the last couple of posts have been sprinkled with soooo many fused words that reading them was painful.

Other than that, I'd just like to re-state that I love the subject matter, I love the way your handling it, and I've always thought that something like this had to be going on in the Pokémon World, and you make it sound like a natural thing, which is (whether you like it or not), exactly what it is in our world.

Anyways, props on plot, subject matter, and general idea, but pay attention to those spaces.
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