View Single Post
December 2nd, 2011 (5:27 AM).
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Central Coast - Australia
This was alright I felt - short but sweet. Or bitter I suppose given the topic and all. =p I liked the repetition in it of 'I/we have' and 'no more' in it. I do feel that a bit more emotion could have been shown personally as towards the end it felt that you explained a bit too much about why he was upset when it had already been shown effectively - a bit too much I suppose for my taste in going on about 'the worst of us, killing 'us''.
Feet intwined with anothers
not mine, no
my best friends.
another's and friend's there over what you have there (for instance with the latter it is current suggesting that the other was with multiple best friends, not one friend's foot being entwined, which I think is the word you wanted to use there too? May be an american english thing though possibly or just that I didn't encounter that spelling). Of course if you meant the person was sleeping with multiple people at the same time it fits. =p
I feel this would be better as one word; ie 'Goodbye'.
View Public Profile
Send a private message to bobandbill
Find all posts by bobandbill
Find threads started by bobandbill