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Old December 2nd, 2011, 05:52 PM
bobandbill's Avatar
bobandbill
Where's that sheep...
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Central Coast - Australia
Age: 22
Gender: Male
Nature: Jolly
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Deleted your duplicate thread for you.

Anyways, these haikus are alright imo. I like the Haunter one the best, as it seemed to get its nature within the haiku pretty nicely, and after that the one of Pachirisu. I feel that 'evolves' sounds a bit off in the Ninjask/Shedninja haiku, and the middle link of skarmory's sounds a bit odd with the 'Though,' part - the comma somewhat unsettles it imo.

As for the acrostic I quite liked the tale within the 2nd half - it wasn't just about it but how it hid from a storm, and I liked the last couple of lines in particular.
Quote:
Ivory coloured fur, As if it was snow
'As' doesn't need to be capitalised there.
Quote:
Wind flowing in the tuff of cotton
(...)
Soft tuff of cotton almost a Pillow
'tuff of cotton' twice is too repetitive imo, so I'd look to change one of those. I don't think pillow should be capitalised either, personally.
Quote:
Over long period, the ice storm subsided
Maybe 'Over a long period'?

But these were good all in all - I look forward to seeing other Pokemon poems from you. =)
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