Pikabowser Attempts Poetry
View Single Post
December 2nd, 2011, 05:52 PM
Where's that sheep...
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Central Coast - Australia
Deleted your duplicate thread for you.
Anyways, these haikus are alright imo. I like the Haunter one the best, as it seemed to get its nature within the haiku pretty nicely, and after that the one of Pachirisu. I feel that 'evolves' sounds a bit off in the Ninjask/Shedninja haiku, and the middle link of skarmory's sounds a bit odd with the 'Though,' part - the comma somewhat unsettles it imo.
As for the acrostic I quite liked the tale within the 2nd half - it wasn't just about it but how it hid from a storm, and I liked the last couple of lines in particular.
vory coloured fur, As if it was snow
'As' doesn't need to be capitalised there.
ind flowing in the tuff of cotton
oft tuff of cotton almost a Pillow
'tuff of cotton' twice is too repetitive imo, so I'd look to change one of those. I don't think pillow should be capitalised either, personally.
ver long period, the ice storm subsided
Maybe 'Over a long period'?
But these were good all in all - I look forward to seeing other Pokemon poems from you. =)
Sheep in the Big City: General Specific
The BBS Forums! Gain awards and more!
Webzine; looking for contributors!
Fan Work Review! Features a Golduck!
View Public Profile
Send a private message to bobandbill
Find all posts by bobandbill
Find threads started by bobandbill
Ignore Posts by bobandbill