Thread: [Pokémon] Pokemon in Real Life
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Old December 3rd, 2011 (05:11 PM).
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psyanic psyanic is offline
There's Something About Lamps
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: The USA
Age: 18
Gender: Female
Nature: Bold
Posts: 1,283
No one has commented on here before? Well, I'm just going to make a few comments/suggestions here.

First thing is that the font is really annoying. It's the blue that contrasts with the themes people use, and its ridiculously huge. It's like one of those old people's phones with the huge keypad size. The font leaves a blare and, to me, it speaks volumes about a writer. Your story doesn't need flashy fonts or colors or dazzle to make it interesting. What makes your story interesting is the actual content, not how the content is delivered.

I get the concept, and it's something I've definitely seen before. But the thing is, it doesn't really seem like it's actually Pokemon in Real-Life since the whole world is just like the Pokemon World, with a few supermarket chains or the locations, or the fact that playstations are there instead of a SNES or whatever they protagonists has in the games. Other than that, they're pretty identical. Everyone goes on a journey, everyone knows about it, Pokemon aren't subject to a huge extent of experiments (that's what I'd think would happen), people know how to battle, Poke Balls exist, etc. That's just my view though.

Now, there's the formatting of the story. You have lots of dialogue and all, but none of it is spaced out. Remember to separate the lines of dialogue a bit more.

Just

Like

This.

That's pretty much all I'm going to say for now. Just keep doing your thing. It's a shame no one else has said anything.
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