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Old December 8th, 2011 (05:44 PM).
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Squirrel
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: England
Age: 20
Gender: Male
Nature: Quirky
Quote:
Originally Posted by Diamond1304 View Post

Roar of Time
Spoiler:
I heard the roar of time,
So majestic and sublime.
Its humming echoes rang far and wide,
And somewhere there was a landslide.

I heard the roar of time,
Beautiful like a bell's chime.
I watched the earth's grime,
Transform into clean rime.

It was filled with rapture,
As it held space in its capture.
Waves of purifying energy,
Pitched with a dazzling melody.

It rid the land of sin and cleansed it,
With magic and calmness so sweet.
As the roar died down like a falling meteor,
It left everyone with pure joy and utter awe.
Wow... This gave me chills! I love the use of rhyming here, I usually find it to be a distraction from the point of the poem due to pointless rhyming filler words at the end of a line, but the way you've used it was incredibly affective here! I think some extra punctuation cold be useful in here though to add a few more pauses for drama/effect. For example in the last line, I would recommend adding a comma here: "It left everyone with pure joy, and utter awe." to make the final line of the poem seem that much more important and dramatic. The constant contrast you've used here between beauty ("beautiful like a bell's chime") and destruction ("It was filled with rapture,") is a spectacular device and has been extremely well implemented to demonstrate your point. My favourite line (for the above reason) is "Waves of purifying energy,", demonstrating the huge power to destroy laying dormant within the depths of time itself. And yet time is also hugely capable of such purity and creation... Gah, I've got chills! Can't wait to see more of your work!
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