ROOTS // Professorfic
View Single Post
December 10th, 2011 (2:26 AM).
Gone. May or may not return.
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: The Misspelled Cyrpt
I've decided to start reading this here instead of on Serebii, because it seems to me that this forum tends to give fewer reviews than over there. Anyway, explanations aside, I really liked this chapter/these chapters; there were just a couple of bits that didn't quite feel right that I picked up on. I especially like how you've picked up on Gravity; it's one of those moves that's sort of left in the shade, as it were, and you really make it useful here.
I have noticed, though, that you don't capitalise 'Pokémon' or 'Poké Balls', despite the fact that you capitalise the names of individual species; generally, it's better to be consistent with things like that.
There was also this:
The force of the wind instantly propelled both Yanma and Clefable into the air, and sent a powerful downdraft sweeping through the battlefield.
It seems seriously implausible for a Yanma to be able to lift a Clefable into the air, given their relative sizes and weights; a Yanma probably can't really carry any sort of load above a few pounds, what with that dragonfly body structure and all.
Also, would a Gallade not instinctively resort to Fighting moves when its opponent is a Clefable? Their primary type is Fighting, after all; it just seems odd to me that it only really used Confusion and Slash. Even if Jerry doesn't know that it would be better to use Fighting moves - and you
mention that that was kind of the whole reason he actually had the Gallade - then you would think that it would know what to do by instinct, since that's how they probably fight in the wild. In addition to that, given the fact that you seem to include the fact that Clefable can take Special hits rather well, it seems unusual that she would have been able to deflect a Psycho Cut.
Other than that, I have no real complains. Keep up the good work!
The Thinking Man's Guide to Destroying the World
The Rocket Case
The Rocket Revival
Neither Here Nor There
Coriolanus Rowland's Guide to Pokémon Husbandry
Robin Goodfellow's Christmas Carol
Stranger Than Fiction
My Trip to the End of Time, by Pearl Gideon
A Smell of Petroleum Pervades Throughout
For information about A Grand Day Out, a bizarre short story in video game form, click
View Public Profile
Send a private message to Cutlerine
Find all posts by Cutlerine
Find threads started by Cutlerine