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December 10th, 2011 (2:41 PM).
Well, I really liked it, the poem conveyed the emotion of the lyrical being ( the one that says the poem) perfectly. I’m not sure why having a feet entwine with another person would be something offensive, I mean I can imagine, but the metaphor wasn’t very good.
As said before, I think you meant “another’s” and “friend’s” rather than “anothers” and “friends”, and I think that that one line before the last one, could have been worded better, I mean, “I am no more” could have either multiple meanings or none at all depending on the reader. To some that aren’t as creatively inclined, the lack of complement might be fatal. And to those that are, they can think many things.
I really liked the pace, and situation, however. And the poem flowed quite nicely. So, you have talent, I loved it and will be sure to come back if you ever make another.
That was it, hope it was helpful.
"The past has gone, and the future's uncertain, but now is a gift, that's why it's called present"
~ Dex Rotation [Red]
Joined Nov 2011
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