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December 10th, 2011, 05:38 PM
#1 Yancy fan
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Doctor Drakken's lair
I'm enjoying the latest arc of this story immensely, though I've been having trouble keeping up with your rate of posting. XD I guess I'm not one to talk. Anyway, I was glad to see Shaun capture Sableye, but at the same time I was glad that it didn't take to him immediately. Keeping that realism in place is important, and nothing screams 'surrealism' in this kind of story like a captured Pokemon immediately becoming best friends with its Trainer and obeying everything he says without question, so points for that. The use of the Type Gems was something interesting to see included as well, but I'd like to see a bit of an explanation for how they work. Just saying that they power up a move of a certain type sounds an awful lot like game mech, which sticks out like a sore thumb in this kind of fic. So something about how they work could be nice to see.
Uhh, let's see. I like the Rhyhorn attack, as well as how Shaun is learning at a quick - but believable - rate. He's moving rapidly out of 'annoying useless noob' territory, though it's definitely credible considering the magnitude of his current situation. I like seeing him using his head and utilising the Pokedex some more. On that note, I like how the Pokedex descriptions of Rhyhorn are actually valid here - specifically the behavioural notes about charging straight ahead until it gets what it wants or however it went. It's always nice to see when that's acknowledged. Game Pokedex entries often tell us more about a Pokemon's habits than anything else, and many writers ignore that. They rattle off a randomly chosen 'dex entry and then just have the Pokemon behave however they feel will keep the plot moving, or just plain old however they feel like it.
Back to Sableye again, briefly: I do like its character. It also fits with what we know about the species, which is something I notice you've done with all the Pokemon present so far. Pokemon are characters too, and while some authors will give greater significance to that than others (I, for example, tend to use them as little more than battling tools in
), it is always important to respect what makes them individuals. So well done on that.
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