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Old December 10th, 2011 (06:27 PM).
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Squirrel
This'll be a blast!
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: England
Age: 20
Gender: Male
Nature: Quirky
Quote:
Originally Posted by Daydream View Post

No Whole Reflection

And I’m scared,
If I just let you see me,
That you’ll know who I really am.
But for once,
I would just like to be me,
My total self, no image or sham.

I’m in pieces,
But none of them lying,
Yet no whole reflection of the man.
Maybe one day,
In arms I’ll be crying,
But being whole, just because I can.

---
First off, great poem here, it's so emotive and deep whilst managing to be kind and empathetic at the same time. I love the use of "and" as the first word here; usually it'd be unwelcome as an initial term but here it very much makes the reader feel like they're deep in the mind of the writer, feeling exactly what you're feeling and thinking all of your thoughts at the second you're writing them down. I also like the ABCDBC rhyming scheme you've used here, its an usual approach in my mind but I feel that you've really done a great job of creating your own unique writing style here. At points some of the English doesn't seem to make too much sense to me, but it could just be how I'm reading it. For example with "but none of them lying, yet no whole reflection of the man", I think that either "but" or "yet" should be replaced for a new word as the two contradict each other as a term of importance in a single sentence. Overall, I absolutely loved this work and it's a shame that I can't find any more of your's around the site! If you produce anything else, make sure to let me know!
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