White Heart Black Bones [PG-14]
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December 27th, 2011, 12:03 PM
Not a Baygel
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Dani California
Quite an intense battle there at the beginning. Poor Touko for losing, though. D: Dang it N, why you stood her up like that? :/ As for the Pokemon, I’m going to guess Emboar, Lilligant, Galvantula, Carracosta, Braviary, and Escavalier.
The part with Touko and Laika and the train tracks is cute. Now I’m reminded how much I loved playing them as a kid, haha. As for her breaking out, finally! XD Like how you develop her decision to leave so that she doesn’t grow weaker than she is already an also her “staring straight at death” at the end there was quite nice too, especially where N said she’s a hero. If only N had explained to Touko what was going on between him and Ghetsis and also take her to her Pokemon. D:
I awoke the next morning to find myself buried deep in the confines of N's bed; wrapped up like a cocoon under sheets upon sheets of colourful velvet.
One thing I notice is I still see you using the semi-colons wrong again. I suggest going back my last review where I mentioned how to use it the right way. If you’re still confused though, then maybe check over semi-colons in an English grammar book or look it up online. Sorry to mention this again, but the misplaced semi-colons threw me off a bit.
Overall enjoyed this chapter a lot. Looking forward to how things will move along now!
→Spark. Flash. Flame.
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