God I hate that message text. "The water is dyed a deep blue", is that implying that someone actually dyed the water that color? It's just a nitpick, and if you don't want to do anything about it that's fine, but it will make your game stand out a bit.
Check the spacing of your story synopsis. It seems some words that should be two separate words are getting meshed together.
Could you go into some details as far as the characters involved in this story? Are you simply playing as Red as the screenshots suggest?