Untitled (Rated T, and by T I mean do not read if you are easilly creeped out)
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February 10th, 2012, 12:10 AM
Where's that sheep...
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Central Coast - Australia
This was a good read. I quite like the atmosphere you created, and the description of reading the story, the book itself and how young Fuji felt when he did so was enjoyable. Nicely done there. I felt there could have been a bit more between the actual story in the book and the point when he saw the drawing of himself in it, as the pace of the story seemed a bit too quick for my liking there (for instance a bit more on how the character felt on turning the empty pages and then realising the last one had a picture of himself I feel would have been nice), but that's my only complaint with the writing style.
I do like that you've based this on the canonical event of Lavender Town becoming a radio tower between RBY and GSC, but although I was interested that you also referenced other ghostly characters in the Pokemon games for other regions I felt it was pushing it a bit much to link them to Lavender Town as well and might have rathered you used examples more specific to the town... although I wouldn't think there would be that much to play around with anyway, admittedly.
There was the odd minor mistake here and there as well:
This book is deadlier than a curse, as deadly as the town it takes place in
'deadlier' followed by 'deadly' is perhaps a touch repetitive to use in the same sentence; consider changing one of them. Nitpicky though.
I would love nothing more than to
throw the book in some fireplace and be done with it.
No one would think to dishonor our late, great mayor
accusations of bringing a plague unto our town.
with. (Unless he had been a witch...)
Without meaning too
Overall though I quite liked it, and it certainly was a creepy read. Good job!
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