Thread: Love is blind?
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Old February 25th, 2012, 06:26 AM
psyanic's Avatar
psyanic
There's Something About Lamps
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: The USA
Age: 18
Gender: Female
Nature: Bold
Love. You have quite an interesting piece. It got me thinking a bit, especially after I read it for the fifth time. I guess I can't really look for more in this poem. It looked fine, except there are a few typos here and there.

Quote:
Originally Posted by gwenvar View Post
Love is blind?
It sure is!
Actually, right here, I thought the exclamation point was off. I mean it looked out of place in comparison to the overall theme of your poem. Then again, now that I think about it, love has downsides and upsides. It gives you joy, happiness, depression, etc. It's so many emotions into one. It's so complicated isn't it?

Quote:
Originally Posted by gwenvar View Post
The formerly so dark,
So shadowy creatures
I thought that the bolded so was a bit unnecessary. So-dark is kind of... well... weird, I guess. Sorry I used "weird" for a lack of a better word. I think if you just took out the bolded so, the flow would be easier.

Quote:
Originally Posted by gwenvar View Post
Once begin toturn their backs
And I think this is a typo. It should be two words, "to turn".

Quote:
Originally Posted by gwenvar View Post
That they see „clearly"
In their real world?
Something funny happened with "clearly". I see some kind of double-comma punctuation mark, and it's odd. Sorry, had to say it.

Overall, I liked it, especially the last stanza. It conveys feelings as well as questions and that's always a good thing with poems.
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