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March 12th, 2012 (12:08 AM).
Join Date: May 2006
First, welcome to PC and to Fanfiction and Writing! It's great to see new members posting their fics. I hope you'll enjoy your time here.
Since I don't have the time right now to give your fic a good review, I'm just going to give you a small piece of advice to help out. When posting on forums, you'll want to hit the Enter button twice to make a new paragraph. This creates a blank space between each paragraph, making it easier to read.
I hope this helps you out a bit.
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