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Old March 24th, 2012, 04:33 PM
Fixedthe_Fernback's Avatar
Fixedthe_Fernback
I fixed it.
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Age: 19
Gender: Male
@psyanic
Wow, you really tore that idea apart but that's good. You gave me honest critique and it is greatly appreciated, however I disagree with some of your points...

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Originally Posted by psyanic View Post
The story is quite weird. And different. Very, very different. I can't help but wonder where the logic is in this story.
Yes, it is different for the Pokemon world, at least. I'm simply playing off of things we see more often in the real world, and less in the Pokemon world. Super hero stories are a dime a dozen in real life and it seems strange to me that it isn't a genre explored within Pokemon, especially since there are so many cool creatures and concepts that could be used to create a legitimate hero within the Pokemon world.

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Originally Posted by psyanic View Post
He wants to kill his boss?Okay, I guess that's kind of sensible. I mean, who doesn't? But it's a tad extreme.
The goal was sabotage, not murder. I'd elaborate further, but that would be a bit spoiler-ish, if the story were to come to fruition anyways.

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Originally Posted by psyanic View Post
Next, it's the fact that he's a human and any Pokemon can launch a Hyper Beam or Water Gun at him and he's screwed.
Very, very good point. I'll admit I hadn't considered that yet, but it gives me something to think about.

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Originally Posted by psyanic View Post
Super heroes? Those are your justice trainers or whatever. Come on, trainers take down Team Rocket. Not even the police seem to do their job, so ten year olds with a Squirtle travel around and beat up a crime syndicate.
Super heroes, why not? I've honestly always wondered where the logic was in young children battling crime syndicates, and it's seen in every OT/journey fic written. It's over-used and highly unfitting for the kind of story I have in mind.

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Originally Posted by psyanic View Post
For a person to run around with a flamethrower? What's the good in that in a Pokemon world? It would be slightly more plausible if this story took place in the real world, if at all.
That's why this story won't take place in the tradition Pokemon world. It isn't a traditional Pokemon fan-fic, so I'll likely create my own alternate universe for it to exist within. There aren't any rules against that, as far as I know.

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Originally Posted by psyanic View Post
And I'm wondering where the plot actually comes in. He's a lunatic who wants to save the world, whatever. Not my problem. Where's the adversity? People trying to chase him down?
Perhaps you aren't as familiar with the super hero genre as I am, but all self-respecting heroes have a villain of either equal or greater match. He'll have one, and it will ultimately be his un-doing, but I've yet to really decide who or even what it will be. Also, there are matters of the public and law enforcement, and whether or not they will support him or think of him as a menace. They could easily become enemies themselves


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Originally Posted by psyanic View Post
One more question, what kind of idiot is mugging a person in front of Silph Co.? It's obviously populated there and quite a busy street with all the employees coming and going, so I guess you're implying that he sees the mugging way before Silph Co.
Good point, but I pictured that particular scene happening late at night/early in the morning. Perhaps one of the employees from Silph Co. on their way to work or leaving for home. It's definitely a plot point that can and will have a bit more thought put into to it.

Anyways, thanks a lot for giving your insight. While I didn't agree with some of your points, you did offer me a few things to think about, and those are things that will greatly attribute to the story's overall quality.
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