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Old April 3rd, 2012 (04:06 PM). Edited April 3rd, 2012 by DarkIceForever.
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DarkIceForever
Booted out - don't be like me!
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: California
Gender: Female
Nature: Adamant
Hello there! I've noticed that your format is a bit screwy. I think somebody else has told you already, but I guess I'll tell you to fix your format to make your story easier to read. That means you have to start a new paragraph everytime there's dialouge.


Quote:
There was no answer I waited another couple hours then called again. Still nothing did i really make her that mad that was when I decided to get in my car and drive over there.After about 10 minutes i arrived at the door. I wasn't if I should knock or not part of me said not to the other part said to let her because I'm with Jade.I heard my phone go off I quickly answered it only to find out it was Jade.."Hey babe what are you doing" I didn't know what to say I couldn't tell her where I was. "I'm with my parents I have to go" I hung up before she could reply.
Example


Quote:
There was no answer I waited another couple hours then called again. Still nothing did i really make her that mad that was when I decided to get in my car and drive over there.After about 10 minutes i arrived at the door. I wasn't if I should knock or not part of me said not to the other part said to let her because I'm with Jade.I heard my phone go off I quickly answered it only to find out it was Jade.

"Hey babe what are you doing" I didn't know what to say I couldn't tell her where I was.

"I'm with my parents I have to go" I hung up before she could reply.
This helps the reader know someone is speaking.

Also the syntax, the way construct you're sentences is a little screwy too. It's not really clear and it doesn't make much sense at times.

Also found some spelling errors like,

Quote:
I heard footsteps coming down the stairs I could tell tha tit was Tori. "Beck what are you doing here!" She yelled teh seond she saw me.

Well, I don't know much about Victorious. All I know is Ariana Grande is hot! XD My sister watches that show, but in terms of kid shows I watch only spongebob and pokemon. (And some digimon here and there.)

I kinda hate to say this, I mean type, whatever lol! Uh, there are a lot and I mean a lot of grammer mistakes, mis-usage of commas, and no spacing between sentences at times. I would love to track down all your mistakes but I'd feel it would be a big lecture on my part. Maybe try a beta reader if your dead-serious in finishing you fan-fic. They will scan through your fic and lecture you.

If you want to be a bit more self-directed I recommend you check out wikipedia and/or the writers lounge sub-forum. They got all the tips and advice to help you write. It also helps to be an active reader. You should take some time, sit down and read a book. Not only do you see how a narrative is written, but you get some pretty cool ideas on format.

Last thing is you shouldn't rely on people to tell you to write. I like to write for my own self-enjoyment. Kinda how you said you were bored so you decided to write. Isn't writing fun? lol We then post it on forums to see how people feel about.

So I would say don't write for others. It's your own world your creating, don't create it for others hoping they'd jump in to your idea. It's your idea for you. Guess, what I'm trying to say is don't let people dictate weither you write a story. Unless you write to satisfy others, but those stories aren't good most of the time.

Writing is fun, but it's a lot of work. Good luck, and I hope you continue to write fan-fiction.

EDIT: I forgot to mention you are posting in a extremely high rate. This is a red-flag that tells a reader you aren't doing your part in proof-reading. Rushing is always bad. You have all the time in the world (1 month if you post it on forum) to perfect your fiction. So I would say to slow down and really consider what you're writing.
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