Thread: FireRed hack: Pokémon Cyan [Beta 2 Released]
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Old April 17th, 2012, 11:19 PM
Winter Wonderland's Avatar
Winter Wonderland
Puts the fun in dysfunctional
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Florida
Gender:
Nature: Quirky
The story you have is pretty solid. I did enjoy it, and I've often thought of the sequel to the Johto story. However, I do have a few nit-picky things to point out.
  • Team Rocket is a proper noun, as it is an organization. Therefore, it should be capitalized.
  • "Giovanni has come back and risen Team Rocket..." I think in this sentence, the verb "resurrected" would be a stronger one to use. It also leaves a more macabre picture of Team Rocket being pulled from a literal grave(-insert adorable zombie picture-)
  • Exactly what are the legendary golems doing in Celia to begin with? In Hoenn, they're sealed away(if I remember correctly) and you could only encounter them in Platinum if you had a certain kind of Regigigas with you. So, if you could provide reasoning as to what the golems are doing there, that'd be nice.
I suppose you could leave the story as is with the vague touch that it has, but the vocabulary and the delivery of the story could be better to enhance the reading experience and lure your players in to beg for more. Everyone loves a good book.
The features seem pretty standard(no complaint), and that seems to hinder its ability to stand out from other hacks. The two features I like the most are the side quests and the mini-games. However, you failed to elaborate on them. Have you ideas for the mini-games or side quests?
Another thing is the tiles--they are wonderful. I've seen them before, but they are very nice. The pond tiles you have seem bright and the houses along with the other bright colors give it a very happy feel. However, considering this is a tropical region, I'd imagine that palm trees, etc. would be included too, right? I'd love to see the tiles you have planned for that(ships, bridges, and all the other accessories).
The only suggestion I could give is up the vocabulary/storytelling a bit to really capture your audience. Not only that, but on some points, elaborate a little more(such as the features) so your fans at least have a general clue in the direction you're headed. Unless you like the vagueness of it all, then exclude the last comment. Have a lovely day. n_n
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Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.
Robert Frost, Fire and Ice.

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