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May 10th, 2012 (5:06 PM).
Join Date: Dec 2011
What happend to your other fan fic!? Hopping on Cloud Nine!? You threw in the towel?! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! I liked it!
I read this chapter and somehow forgot about the other one. This one has a better start than the other fiction actually. The other fiction you seemed to have diverged a little bit. I hope that doesn't happen here. Feels pretty good to have a fresh start. It also feels good to be on PC again. I haven't been here in like a month.
I liked the presentation the most. The writing is more fluent and smooth. I think you're getting better at writing fictions. It's going to take a few more chapters to really get me going through. I can't offer much on the story itself. It could go anywhere from there. It could go back in time to see what depressed Connie or you can go into Marcelo's intresting history too. I say a story that keeps me speculating at the start is also a good story.
Sorry that's the best review I could give. It isn't that much, also DON'T ABONDON FICS!! nah j/k.
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