Thread: [Pokémon] New Journies
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Old May 11th, 2012 (06:27 PM).
Vato
This Is Our Last Goodbye
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Juarez City, Mexico
Age: 17
Gender: Male
Nature: Lonely
Well, It's looking good so far, here are some flaws (the ones I could see)

Quote originally posted by Rafael p:
Journies
*Journeys

Quote originally posted by Rafael p:
five o clock
I think this should be "five o' clock", but I'm not pretty sure.

Quote originally posted by Rafael p:
happiny
Just like we do with people, you must start a Pokemon's name with a capital:
Happiny

Quote originally posted by Rafael p:
Oh yea
* yeah

I like your story, but, I don't know, it just seems to progress a little bit too fast, try to go slowly, you can do this describing what's around or how the characters feel and stuff, and also, where exactly is the character? You should add notes about the region where he is and things like that.
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