Hey there! It's nice to see another story from you. I rather like how this turned out, especially after all the changes you've made to the original one-shot. Nice creativity with story-expansion.
Onto the review...
I don't know if I mentioned this for the original one-shot, but I really like your portrayal of the League being a mysterious, possibly corrupt entity. With all the influence they have, it's not hard to imagine them pulling a stunt like this. I feel bad for the girl. (You haven't introduced her name yet, so I'll just go with the flow :P)
The prologue definitely looks better than before. You've made improvements in narrative flow, and I like how you let the girl's personality slip into it at times. Like here:
By the way, great work on expanding the ending. You included an expanded account of her thoughts and emotions upon descending the mountain, which was something I didn't expect you to do, but I really like how it turned out. The ending was effective too.