The Beta Thread (3.0)
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June 17th, 2012, 09:22 AM
N wins at life.
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Land of Heat and Clockwork
Title of Story:
Agents (it's a rewrite of one of my old fics.)
Joseph is just your average guy with uber-famous parents. However, when his mom and best friend are kidnapped, he and his sister step up and try to get them back. Of course, what follows next is anything but average.
Rating (PG, R, etc):
Type of mentor needed:
Comprehensive (the main problems I have are characterization and plot)
Writing sample of story:
Anna’s eyes were practically burning into my back. Or it just might have been a piece of that chair embedded in my back. Either way, I was skating on thin ice. If I told the truth, then Team Chrono would know we suspected them. Of course, Karla’s dad might not have told her what was really going on at the labs, but even if that was the case, Anna would probably kill me. I needed to think of something fast.
“I said Elias is in danger . . . because he broke something in his mom’s closet earlier.” I hoped that was a good cover-up. Elias’ mom would most likely kill him for smashing up her closet, anyways. “Whitney’s obsessed with her clothes,” I added.
My work done, I stood back and gauged everybody’s expressions. Anna looked apathetic, but there was a familiar cold anger in her silver eyes. Elias seemed nervous and embarrassed. He was most likely worried about Karla laughing at him or Whitney killing him. Karla just looked confused. “Is that all?” she asked. “Then why are you two sitting in the basement and talking about it? No offense, but you and your sister are kind of strange. Would you like to come up to a more comfortable room with us? You two don’t have to stay out of our way.” With that, she turned and left, Elias trailing her like a lost Growlithe.
My writing is dialogue-heavy. I'm usually good with character interactions and not much else.
Last edited by Electricmudkip; June 17th, 2012 at
. Reason: I guess this is important
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