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Old June 28th, 2012 (11:15 AM).
docowocool docowocool is offline
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: somewhere
Gender: Male
Nature: Lonely
Posts: 88
Well done again. Here is your review and constructive critisism you asked for.

I like the way that you have portrayed Red as an evil guy... Nice reasoning for him saying "... ... ... ..." at you in the games. Im interested in the incedent with the face. Leaf being kicked out was quite a real world view on the Pokemon world so always enjoyable. And Lisa makes another return . The Pokemon league does car stuff? Oh well, amazing and funny side effect by the(amazing) author being obsessed with Buicks. Right lets attempt to find a typo...

Near the end of the last chapter Reds dad says stuff then a break then "should the league give..." etc Im sure it should be a capital S as in "Should the league..." Nothing else I noticed. Just make sure Lisa wears some pink dresses. And that they use Pokemon. So no sneaky chapters only with cars while Im gone? Right? (put a Buick in it)

PS which game is Leaf in
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Proud owner of *Splash* the Magikarp and Gyarados fan club! Proud writer of Grey's Journey, The Hoenn Dragons and Pokemon Diamond Dead fan fictions. Life, don't talk to me aout life.