While posting your story is a big step in improving your writing, if you're interested in getting a more in-depth analysis of your story along with a
possibly better review, you might want to check out the
Beta Lounge, where you can contact a Beta Reader to help you out. Beta Readers are excellent and can really help you out, especially when you've just started to write. This is just another possibility, but it's worth considering if you feel like you need some dedicated help.