Time, Space... and Minccino
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July 2nd, 2012 (10:24 PM).
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Connecticut, USA
I love stories written from Pokemon's POVs.
Vato! I decided to check out your fic, since I haven't read any of the previous versions of this one. So everything is completely new to me.
I like how the story is going to be. An adventure traveling around trying to rescue someone, especially when those travelers are ones that haven't seen the world? I like it already. (Especially dragons. Love them.)
The one thing that I have to comment on is your grammar. It's still readable, so I wasn't distracted by it enough to not enjoy your story. Plus, I understand that since English isn't your first language, that there would be some mistakes. Most of them, though, were typos that you could catch yourself with a read-through once you finish your first chapter. The main one I noticed was one that a lot of people have some difficulties with: punctuating dialogue.
"Good luck" says the Pikachu, with a big smile in his face, and I mean a very big one.
"Thanks" I whisper.
Here, you don't have any punctuation for the dialogue. That is, before the closing quotation marks. For both of these, you'll need a comma. You use a comma when you use a dialogue tag ("said", "whisper") because you're describing how the words are said. So:
" says the Pikachu, with a big smile in his face, and I mean a very big one.
" I whisper.[.quote]
If there is no dialogue tag, then you'll use a full stop.
" Pikachu smiled
I was going to explain further, but it seems like you have a handle on the rest. It's just remembering to punctuate when you don't use a question mark or an exclamation mark for your dialogue.
If you have any questions on this, feel free to ask. I'm also willing to look over your chapters and help you with grammar before you post them, if you'd like.
Looking forward to more. Can't wait to see Pikachu and Minccino start their adventure!
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