Thread: [Pokémon] Hackers [15]
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Old July 6th, 2012 (10:31 AM).
Cutlerine Cutlerine is offline
Gone. May or may not return.
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: The Misspelled Cyrpt
Age: 22
Nature: Impish
Posts: 1,030
Ooh! Responses! Time to pick them over.

Originally Posted by icomeanon6 View Post
If you haven't just been watching Ghost in the Shell, I'll eat my hat. xD
I drafted this last year, before I ever saw Ghost in the Shell. I was just thinking about the way the entire Pokémon world revolves around Pokémon, and that got me thinking about biopunk, and so naturally enough I bolted the two ideas together and put it on wheels. Now it's rollin' free.

Originally Posted by icomeanon6 View Post
Seriously though, I really enjoyed this first chapter. Your vision of the future of Pokemon is both exciting and refreshing. I love the concept of the underground modding community, and I'm looking forward to the modster, chimera, and scratcher concepts you come up with.
So am I. I love monsters, and this is going to give me plenty of scope to make them - although the main thrust of the story doesn't call for that many, so I'm going to have to chuck some more in somehow.

Originally Posted by icomeanon6 View Post
I'm also hoping that we learn more about Gwyn's past as a hacker. Character-wise I feel the story's pretty solid so far; we've got a good starting picture of the characters' personalities and how they interact with each other. It remains to be seen how interesting they'll be in the long run, but you can never tell that with the first chapter, and it was good that you devoted most of the chapter to establishing the (awesome) setting and hooking with some (well-realized) action rather than over-expositing the characters.
Ah, we'll see more about Gwyn later. He's based loosely on the old film noir detectives, so learning about his past is a given.

I really felt that with an idea that was so different from the usual, both for me and for the forums I post in, I had to devote more time to creating the world at first than setting up the characterisation - hence the Primeape chase, and why the real beginning of the story is to be found in Chapter Two. It's probably my favourite of the worlds I've built for quite some time - if just because it gives me a legitimate reason to write the words 'dystopian', 'future', 'biopunk' and 'Saffron City' all in the same sentence - and I'm keen to expand it. More is coming, I can assure you.

Originally Posted by icomeanon6 View Post
Though I wasn't poring over the thing for mistakes, all of the grammar and whatnot seemed fine to me. Just one case of missing a space between paragraphs (arggh, those are so easy to miss):
Tell me about it. I always miss at least one. Well, thanks for pointing it out.

Originally Posted by icomeanon6 View Post
Great chapter, my interest is grabbed, rite moar!
As stated above, more is coming. We've got a main character, a cunning plot and a whole series of monsters to come yet.

Originally Posted by Zayphora View Post
This is quite an interesting story. I don't usually read stuff like this, but it's so well written, like all of your other stories, that I may end up sticking with it! I think the background and such that you've set up is quite interesting. For some reason I think that you're going to end up making Riley get more annoying as the story goes on...which is exactly what you should do with an AI character like that. Ehehe. I think Gwyn has some definite potential to be an awesome character, and I'm going to be very interested in what you reveal of her background.

But this is only the first chapter, and so I'm not gonna be too judgey. Keep writing!
Thanks for your support! It means quite a lot when starting something new.

Also, Gwyn is a man. It's just that his name is a Welsh one.


For information about A Grand Day Out, a bizarre short story in video game form, click here.
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