Secrets, and more secrets
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July 16th, 2012 (3:46 PM). Edited July 16th, 2012 by DarkIceForever.
Join Date: Dec 2011
Introductions are cool. I like a well-rounded introduction because it gets you excited for the pièce de résistance. Ugh, my french is horrible.
This is short to Pokemon Commuinty standards. I'm not sure if there is a standard, but most chapter one's are typically longer. That's because authors generally get the most important topics across, or the ones that grab a reader's attention.
I will say short stories do give people some convenience.
Other than that onto the main story itself. The only thing that is a argueble is that you included the magical pronoun "you". You is second-person, which means I, the reader am the character. I'm not sure if these second-person narratives even work. Second perspective would be common is stuff like "choose your own adventure", or "do it yourself handbooks". I've never read a popular interactive fiction book before. Then again I'm not sure there are any.
Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that this second perspective thing might not work out unless you're a good writer. Which you pointed out by saying you're novice. There's a few factors that go into making a second perspective narrative that you must consider. I think the most important is what the reader feels when they read your story. You're not giving them any option to make decisions about themselves. Kinda defeats the whole purpose of interactive, don't you think?
That means your setting up a life for me by force. I kinda don't like that. I want to have a say in the matter and I think this would fall under the category of role-playing or choose your own adventure sort of thing. I've never seen it work, but I'm here to be proven wrong.
As a fellow novice writer I really and I mean REALLY recommend you start things off by writing in first or third person. They are eaiser to write and that means you don't include our little pronoun 'you'.
First person is when the character is reflecting on things that have happened or are happening to him/her/it.
Third person is when YOU the author are narrating the story about the character. I think you should go back and delete all the 'you's'. If you perfer second-person then that's fine by me, but I'm not sure a lot of people will be too glad about it. I know you are trying to be creative, but be more creative in your story, not the way you present it.
Anyhow, good luck.
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