"Community Service" [OOC][M]
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July 21st, 2012, 08:35 PM
Kiyoshi the Polar Bear
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: That One Place
I love the participation and eagerness from you guys! :3
However, I would like to point out, like it said in the IC thread,
there is no reserving spots
. It's first come first serve, so just post the full SU when you can. :3
Can't wait to see some of those unfinished ones so far!
But getting on to one that's was actually finished:
Dat black and lime green.
Her appearance is all fine and dandy as it looks now (quite the consistent color coordination she's got there!), but your detailing lacks quite a bit when it comes to Viola's History and Personality.
Let's start with her history. I don't understand her reasoning. She's not really believable, because why would a kid in their right mind that received everything she could've every desired as a child
shift so dramatically almost overnight simply because she "was tired of being treated like glass." The transition could work, but it needs more logic behind it. These changes don't happen because one day she decides to go from a prim and proper girly rich girl to black-and-green scene queen, it takes time and more factors to become that radically different. I know she was rebellious, but why did she resort to petty thievery as an outlet of all things? Was it because she fell into the wrong crowd? Did it make her feel alive or was she trying to prove a point (she is rich, after all)? Why did she begin to hate her girly past as a reaction to hate from being spoiled?
did she hate being spoiled? Did it make her feel insecure? Was she made fun of? Did she want to claim a sense of independence and that was getting in the way? There's just not enough substantial reasoning and material to make her believable in the slightest.
Moving onto Personality, I see the same issues here. There are parts that flows together nicely, but you need to explain a lot more. What can someone do to be her friend, especially now her past friends had jilted her? And why were these friends not in her history? Who are they? And holy moly! I don't remember her parents ever being ashamed of her in her history either! And if she doesn't care about them or their thoughts about her, why does she remotely care about being disowned? There needs to also be more depths to her personality, because she's a bit too flat right now.
For now, you're
. You can fix up your profile and come back, but the spots remain open.
Kiyoshi the Polar Bear
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