The Hoenn Dragons
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July 28th, 2012 (6:02 AM).
There's Something About Lamps
Join Date: May 2011
Location: The USA
Originally Posted by
Well, bobandbill, I never said Genesect was common. "Legendary" technically means it's a "legend". Genesect is not a legend, therefore, in this story, by my logic, it is not legendary.
That made no sense. You disregarded bobandbill's post almost entirely. His point was that Genesect isn't your regular Pokemon. First, it's artificial. It was made through science, so there are a few enhancements on Genesect to begin with. That, by itself, already tells you that it's not an ordinary Pokemon. It has those advantages being slightly mechanical, so releasing that into any ecosystem would screw it over entirely. Besides, they way you described Geneset (a Pokemon never before seen by anyone else) tells me that it's a legendary anyway. You're ignoring that some legendary Pokemon aren't just 'legends' or however you put it. In the anime, they have a ton of legendary Pokemon running around, like Tobias has two of them, yet they're still considered legendary.
On the other hand, Mewtwo doesn't have a legend, so it's not a legendary by your standards? It has virtually the same backstory as Genesect does - made by an evil team to be the strongest Pokemon alive.
Originally Posted by
Well, explaining later is a good idea, because, I don't want to spend chapters inserting useless details and, I don't want to spoil some things for my readers. As explained earlier, Genesect is not legendary, so Chaos only has "control" over one "legendary" pokemon, Celebi, which she hasn't caught. In adition, she is connected to Celebi, not "control" over it.
No, explaining later is a terrible idea. If so many people are asking why in the beginning, they'll be forced to continue to ask why until you do explain it. That's a long wait, apparently. And if people are asking about them, how are they 'useless details?' You've already had reviews talking about how confusing this was. I don't see how they can spoil the story, because as of now, they seem to be necessary to understand what's going on. Unless your plot hinges on explaining things (which isn't a strong plot), then you should take the time to explain things.
You seem to have contradicted yourself with Chaos, since you said she controls Celebi, then you say she doesn't because she's only connected. This definitely needs some sort of clarification. I don't see how being connected to something automatically gives you control over a Pokemon. Unless you mean Chaos somehow convinced Celebi by saving it from a pack of Houndoom, so that Celebi will transport Chaos everywhere.
Originally Posted by
With an "out of character Oak" let's just say, I have a good storyline for this, and is only in the first few stories. I differ from canon in many places because it makes it interesting.
If you differ from canon, what's the point of using canon characters? You're pushing canon aside. What you're doing is establishing your own characters, except they have the same appearance of the canon ones. That's pointless and baseless. If you're going to use canon characters out of character, at least take the time to tell the readers why they're acting like that in the first place. Differing from canon is fine as long as it's explained; as it is, I can't say it made the story much better at all, nor did it make it interesting for me. Slapping on canon names and not using their personalities bugs me. And just because you have a 'good storyline' doesn't mean you can do whatever you want with the Pokemon world's canon without explaining anything.
I know Astinus already mentioned this, so I'll pretty much echo him here, but your battles need a bit of work. The Pokemon world relies on battles - it's what they do. Pokemon are the big craze there. Battling is their top sport or event. They build stadiums, Leagues, and even Pokemon Centers to aid all trainers who wish to battle. It's their top entertainment. In short, battles are important. They aren't just Pokemon punching each other in the face. It isn't Pokemon simply attacking each other. Battles are thought out. Have you ever played any sort of sport? Whether it's a team sport or not, competitive sports tend to involve a lot of strategy and attitude from the players. Battling is no exception. Trainers have to be able to think in battles to come up with strategies to win. Pokemon have to be able to follow their orders to the letter, otherwise they'll screw up whatever their trainer had in mind.
Chapter 0.5 had a battle with Professor Oak, which was another Championship battle. Again, that's a huge deal. The battle was summarized into a paragraph, the scene described by their attacks. There is little notice of how Chaos feels, other than that she probably doesn't care? I can't exactly tell. You have to do something more with the battles rather than calling out attacks. This is where you start describing things in a decent amount of detail, because battles are hard to visualize as it is.
★ Some Stars ★
~ on Chapter Four!
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