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Old August 14th, 2012 (04:22 PM).
Kiyoshi the Polar Bear's Avatar
Kiyoshi the Polar Bear Kiyoshi the Polar Bear is offline
Figuratively Speaking
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Olivine City
Gender: Male
Nature: Quirky
Posts: 2,080
So sorry I haven't returned in a while! Got tied up with life. But there's no time like the present, so let's review:

@The Final Watchman - It's a very decent SU, but I feel you need a bit more meat and substance in your personality section. Also, am I going crazy or you don't have a starter picked out? I can't seem to find it. If you can just adjust it in these areas you'll be a-okay to go. :3

@Saturated Hue - Very nice SU, it'll be interesting to see this guy function in the RP. Accepted.

@Charizard_Man - Beautiful! You and Saturated Hue should meet up and cause chaos. :D


@Lt. Col. Fantastic - (Great username BTW) It's just, um, well, the character is unbelievable in a lot of ways. She's just 19, conning several rich men out of money and buying a bloody house on top of that, and she gets.... SOUL? That's more acquainted to the rich men ruining her life and placing her in a cell forever. And she just "escapes?" There are one too many things that this apparently unintelligent girl does that isn't really believable. There are also several spelling mistakes. Declined for now.

I'm not saying make her boring, just a bit more.... real. And interesting.

"The Abstract Gambler!" - PKMN Collector Elwood (キヨシ Kiyoshi)
Giver of the Figurative Badge | Specializes in Inverse Battles | Rewards TM64 Explosion
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