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September 13th, 2012, 06:15 PM
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: East Coast, USA
@Red: Oohh... but larger RPs with a lot of text would be difficult to navigate without using anchors which requires some non-standard knowledge of PC's Advanced BBcode. I personally find spoilers to be the lesser of two evils.
@Gimmepie: Hmm... I'm going to go through each section and tell you what I might recommend off the top of my head.
My first reaction to the plot was to compare it to another RP on the site, however this was quickly dropped as I saw more differences and started to notice a much more plausible source of inspiration in it's place. At the end of the plot, I found myself wanting to ask if it was based on Total Drama Island.
Now, while not a bad concept, I don't know that it was played right. The Total Drama vibe is very, very strong and in this context I find myself asking "...How is this man getting away with this stuff? Most of what he's doing is /wildly/ illegal, especially if he's /tricking/ the players into it!". The reason for this is that the tone you're sending doesn't translate well between TV and RP. Suspension of disbelief is harder to maintain in RP, so if you run around pulling Bugs Bunny shenanigans and bending reality around the plot, people will become... disillusioned.
I might recommend adding a slight tone of seriousness/realism while still preserving the concept. If that had been me in your shoes, I would've added an explanation something along the lines of the tournament being used for scientific research purposes. While not necessarily remotely true, it provides a much more plausible cover, especially if there were wavers to be signed and whatnot. (Keeping in mind, realistically there are some things you can't legally sign away. There are laws to protect lazy people on some level.)
After reading the rules, I had no comment on them.
However, when I read The Island spoiler I immediately became aware of an evil team. My immediate reaction was "Why isn't this even remotely alluded to in the plot?". Remember that while surprise is good, you also need to be able to advertise to potential joiners, so this is something you want to at least mention in the one spoiler they're most likely to read. You want to play a careful balance between vagueness and secrecy so that readers have an idea of what they're getting into, but there's still plenty of room for surprises.
Reading the entry forms section my first thought was to rename it Sign Up, because that's simply the term we use here in the RPC and there's no real point in risking confusing people. My second thought was that it had no history field. An odd choice, and I'm not sure whether you had your own reasons for doing that. Seeing as the inclusion of a history field is ultimately subjective, I'd advise simply that without one, people can make up history on the fly and without your approval. Some might not use proper judgement, and this could impact the RP for those around them. (I am the son of Arceus, wielder of Ragnarok and life partner to <insert babe here>! I have chainsaw vision and am too cool to actually use my pokemon and/or am awesome enough to fight along-side them!)
While it's obviously plausible to simply ask them to stop, the damage done cannot be completely undone, so I personally would prefer to avoid the problem in the first place.
In short, the plot feels rather rushed and/or missing appropriate details considering the concept it's trying to describe.
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